Hi my angels!
Here comes my new outfit posting for you <3 but also some personal thoughts. I have to tell you I've been feeling tired recently. Tired of Instagram and Social Media. I noticed myself feeling worse and worse every day of the last week. I couldn't loose the feeling that I'm not tall, thin, pretty or cool enough to keep it up with all the amazing girls out there on Insta. I felt so low I even edited my legs a little longer and thinner in one pic. I never did something like this before (OMFG shame on me).
I'm not telling you this because I need some compliments, but because I know lot of other young people out there are in a similar situation. I've been talking about this topic a while ago under one posting I did on the gram and I got so many messages from people telling me "never thought you felt like this you got so many followers" or just "I feel the same". This is totally crazy - if you think you just need lots of followers to feel pretty I have to disappoint you. The internet is fucking huge and there will always be someone "better" or more good looking.
I hate about myself that I'm comparing to other sooooo so much. I really hate it and it makes me sick. It's even worse that it's part of my job to be successful on Instagram. I thought about deleting everything and getting a normal job more than once. Of course there are so many amazing things about my job and I'm kinda living my dream, but it also costs me a lot of strength to compete. In some way the competition motivates me but atm it drags me down even more. The good thing about the fact that I have to post a picture almost every day is that you learn you're not perfect. Sometimes you have to post some pics you don't like that much because it would cost me a year to upload only perfect shots.
Another thing - why social media pisses me of - is that I caught myself talking to my friends about follower and likes way too much and I really wanna stop this. It's even harder, when you work in this industry because you automatically check what everyone around you is doing and how well they are performing on the gram. Also it pisses me of to see people whose follower are obviously fakes getting big jobs or free stuff because these assholes are stealing real peoples clients without any hard work. Let me tell you one thing: Many follower on Instagram don't automatically say that this person got great content or is a really cool and happy person. I'm sure everybody already know this, but I've got the feeling I have to say it again: Most people, including me, are only showing their best moments and greatest looks. I should do another Insta for bad vibes only haha. Of course getting many likes or compliments under a picture feels good but tbh you get nothing real from it do you?
And now the last and most stupid confession: When I'm choosing my outfits I sometimes think that I can't wear this again because I've already got a pic on insta wearing this piece. :)))))) WTH is wrong with me? I'm mean this is ridiculous which person on earth only wears a thing once (except you're a rich af rockstar).
I love and hate social media at the same time. I saw friends of mine getting depression or eating disorders, but I also saw friends of mine getting big jobs, traveling the world and chasing their goals just because of social media. I don't know what I'm gonna do but I think I'm gonna stay here for a while doing what I love and try not to fool myself with the fake world out there. This really has to stop and I hope writing down my thoughts on this helped some of you guys. Feel free to send me some messages with your experiences and feelings.
FOR MORE REALNESS ON THE GRAM!
WHAT I'M WEARING:
GIANT VINTAGE CAROLINA SUNNIES
URBAN OUTFITTERS REVERSIBLE BOMBER JACKET
WASTED PARIS LOGO HOODIE
I.AM.GIA SCEPTRUM PANT
photographer: Gianni Chiarello
model, styling, h&m: by me